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I am a 74-year-old girl and have been with my 73-year-old companion for 30 or so years. A few years in the past he had bladder most cancers, which is now beneath management, and earlier than that he had arthritis, which meant he was solely snug having intercourse in a single place (with no foreplay). I started to dread intercourse. I believed he was mentally too fragile for it and, consequently, we had hardly any intercourse for some time. Then our relationship obtained troublesome and he advised me he didn’t fancy me any extra, that we had been outdated and wrinkled. I don’t know if there is any means again from that.
I’m sorry you might be going through such troublesome and painful challenges. “We’re too outdated” and “I don’t fancy you any extra” are sometimes code phrases for “I’ve no libido typically”, so attempt to not take it personally. My guess is that in case your companion will be persuaded to hunt medical assist to revive his sexual curiosity – which can contain having analysis for hormone therapy – chances are you’ll discover your erotic connection will enhance.
There may even be a psychological concern. Melancholy, for instance, is thought to decrease sexual want in many individuals. Then once more, there could also be a necessity for intercourse remedy to assist discover a means for each of you to be extra snug and fewer pressured throughout intercourse. I perceive that you’ll admire him extra if he takes this example significantly and respects your wants; do attempt to have interaction him to find assist and solutions … for each your sakes.
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If you want recommendation from Pamela on sexual issues, ship us a short description of your issues to personal.lives@theguardian.com (please don’t ship attachments). Every week, Pamela chooses one downside to reply, which will likely be revealed on-line. She regrets that she can’t enter into private correspondence. Submissions are topic to our phrases and situations.
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